Your future happiness and success can rest on your handshake.
How do people get a simple thing like a handshake so wrong? It is surprising fact that we remember bad handshakes, sometimes for a long while. This just goes to show how important we regard them.
Handshaking, as a greeting, has been around for a long time. Humans are social animals and a warm tactile touch is essential for social interaction. Handshaking is common but not universal. In some cultures a hug is prefered to handshaking, in others a short bow is a more polite greeting. Middle Eastern woman must offer their hand first, even in a business environment. Each society and culture sets its norm and if the customary greeting is not performed correctly and negative impression of the transgressor is formed upfront and will stick.
In your lifetime you may meet thousands of people so the chances of leaving a negative impression can be many. You only have seconds to make a favourable impression so should make sure you are in a good physical position to make the exchange positive. You may need to hold off for an instant to ensure that you are in a favourable position. Often the hand is offered while you are sitting down, side on or too far away. Don’t be pressured. Stand up, move round or closer before making contact. You are making an impression that has a long life so ensure that an optimum exchange is perfomed.
Why does that bad handshake stay with you so long? There are many theories to this, but it may rooted in evolution and survival of the species. The handshake is an opportunity to get close and show that you are not carrying a weapon. During the social interaction of touching the brain floods chemicals into the bloodstream including the bonding chemical oxytocin. A positive or negative impression can help us formulate a run down on the person we are meeting. Negative emotions from a bad handshake persist because they are stored in the brain area called the amygdala which helps us asses threats.
So it is logical that the experience of the handshake will stay with us for a long time and jog our memory when we meet the person again.
You must keep in mind that the type of handshake is associated with the culture. In the Middle East handshakes may be gentle. In the Mormon area of Utah the handshake is powerful and lingers. The secret is to adjust your handshake for the part of the world you are in, or forgo the handshake for the local custom. Check before you visit, it could vital to your business or personal life.The United States is a mix of many handshakes due the history of immigration. In business the standard handshake is a hand clasp with equal finger pressure downwards or curling around the side of the other person’s hand. The index finger and thumb point towards each other on the reverse side of the hand. The exchange should be comfortable, socially acceptable and not too long. Modify when meeting a higher status person to mirror what they do. It is not all about the hand contact so these factors should be factored in:
Eye Contact: Make sure you are make positive eye contact with the person with whom you are shaking hands and avoid distractions. In China eye contact is not
Wet Hands: If your hands are damp from sweating or the environment dry them discreetly.
Dominant Handshaking: Don’t twist the other person’s hand so that yours is on top. The only thing this kind of handshake achieves is to leave the other party with a negative impression.
Probing Handshake: The probing handshake is where the other person probes you using their index finger pressed against the inside of your wrist. Most people will tell you it is the most dreaded type of handshake.
Politician’s Handshake: That is where you use your other hand to cover the other person’s hand whilst handshaking. It is too personal. Politicians think people will like them more. If you feel an overwhelming need to supplement the handshake, shake the hand normally and with the other hand briefly touch their forearm.
Here are some accepted norms for different parts of the world:
1. Brazil
A firm handshake that lasts. Add strong eye contact. Greet women with a kiss on each cheek. Repeat on leaving.
2. China
Age is important, greet the oldest members first. Grip lightly and bow slightly. Avoid direct eye contact. Hold onto the person’s hand a second two after the handshake has completed.
3. Philippines
Most other Asiatic countries follow China. The Philippines is an exception. Look them right in the eye and don’t bow. A weak grip is essential.
4. Australia
Woman shaking a man’s hand, should offer their hand first. Normally, women don’t shake hands with other women here. The handshake should be firm and fast.
5. France
At the first and every subsequent meeting shake their hand quickly and lightly. If you’re close, a kiss on both cheeks is acceptable.
6. Russia
Unless in a business situation, don’t shake the hand of the opposite sex. Tradition considers it impolite, since a man should kiss a woman’s hand. The handsahke can be a bonecrusher.
7. Turkey
Firm shakes are not acceptablee. Don’t be surprised if the other person holds the handshake so long that they start holding your hand. Don’t be concerned it is a gesture of friendship.
8. South Korea
The most senior person should initiate the handshake. The grip should be soft. Feel free to clench their right arm with your left hand.
9. Morocco
Same gender; it’s okay to shake their hand and gently. Only shake a woman’s hand if she offers it.
10. United Arab Emirates
Start the oldest, or most senior, person. Greet them by their full title, and expect the handshake to linger. Let them decide when it’s time to let go.
11. Kenya
When greeting elders or high-status people, grasp the right wrist with the left hand and “Jambo” (How are you?). Then ask them about business or their family, otherwide you will come across rude.
12. Mexico
Expect to be there a long time with the handshake. If you’re a man, an additiaonl hug may be in order. Women may kiss each other on the cheeks.
13. Norway
Shake hands with everyone, all of them, however many there are. Call each person by their first and last name. Never utter the filler, “How are you?” It’s regarded as meaningless.
14. Thailand
Don’t touch their hands! The person will offer what’s called a “wai,” placing their palms together at chest level and bowing. Return the gesture serenely. If you’re a man, greet then with “Sawadee-krap.” If you’re a woman, say “Sawadee-kah” (It’s ok they both mean “Hello”). Shake hands only if the wai is not offered.
Conclusion: Shaking hands is a simple act that can go disastrously wrong. Observe the social norm of the culture you are visiting and don’t try to impose your culture with the handshake. Remember they may carry their culture to other lands so be careful. You are being minutely assessed when you grace another hand, doing it properly immediately sets a positive aura around you and how you will be remembered. You are not there get one up on them, you should aim to make the other person feel comfortable and receptive to whatever follows.
If you are meeting with a person who gives a you a strange greeting, perhaps that is their custom. Try to match their greeting with equal enthusiasm and celebrate that you have been given an opportunity to demonstrate that you are socially aware and have good manners. You never know when the hand you are extending so perfectly will be long remembered and that opposite hand be extended back to you one day when you need it the most.